Common Sense, Inner Luster and Sugar High
by Miste
Summary: R for swearing and sexual humor. Fuuun! Anyways, its kinda zany... my muses and I amuse an audence by tormenting HP carachters.
1. Introductionamabob

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All I have are muses and cats and they own me. I get no respect. Well, what do I get for being a 'writer' and a cat person?  
  
Me: Welcome one, welcome all. There is lots of insanity about to take place. My advice is to run as fast as you can, stopping only to review. This will be the worst thing I have written. Well, at least since first grade.  
  
Ilia: Stop ranting about yourself. We do not want to know what goes on inside your dirty mind.  
  
Me: Dirty? Me? Look who is talking! *grumbles* Anyways, let me 'splain. No, there is no time. Let me summerize.  
  
Audience stares blankly: o.O  
  
Me: Sorry! Sorry! My parents love the princess bride.. yeah... well, anyways. This is going to be very random and involve lots of crossovers. What more could you want?  
  
Bob: For you to shut up!  
  
Ilia: *Vaporizes Bob.*  
  
Me: Thank you my dear. Anyways, that is Ilia. She is one of my muses. She likes bondage and swearing. Also, chocolate, bitching, torturing, and sex. Don't piss her off, whatever you do!  
  
Ilia raises one eyebrow, smiles, and bows.  
  
Me: Then there is Cesa. She is the sweet muse. None of us really like her. We don't see her much. Mainly when we want to see how a story looks with a happy ending. Then we tell her to go away because its too sappy. You can't really piss her off... *lowers voice* unless she is PMS-ing...  
  
Cesa smiles angelicly.  
  
There is an ahem-ing noise.  
  
Me: Oh, yes. Then there is Shi-Shi. Call her Shi. She is my hyper muse. We all like Shi-Shi. Shi is very random.  
  
Shi-Shi grins and throws candy to the audience.  
  
Me: Bad Shi! No giving them candy.  
  
The audience pouts as one.  
  
Me: Alright, we need carachters.  
  
I go over to my secret closet of doom. I pull out Lupin, Sirius, the Twins, Ginny and Tonks. I stuff everyone else back in. Two guys with long white hair attempt escape. I croon to them and drag them back in.  
  
Me: Later Moondance. Just go... snog Starwind or something.  
  
Starwind grins and pulls Moondance back in.  
  
Me: Anyways... There we go!  
  
Using authoress Powers Of Doom (tm) I conjure up chairs and indicate they should all sit. They do so. As one. Gee, people seem to do things 'as one' a lot in this story. Odd. Must be the sugar.  
  
Remus: What am I here for this time? *eyes me warily* Am I going to die?  
  
Ilia: No, you will just wish you did!  
  
A/N: Will update soon. Maybe in a few hours. I .. kinda.. didnt do any of my work for today! *runs* 


	2. Cho Chang

Where last we met our hero's...  
  
Remus: What am I here for this time? *eyes me warily* Am I going to die?  
  
Ilia: No, you will just wish you did!  
  
Remus buiries his head in his hands while muttering about "You are probably right there..."  
  
Me: So! Yay! Um... Tonks? When was the first time you ate an entire mango by yourself?  
  
Tonks: I didn't mean to! I swear! It just kinda... happend. I felt so dirty afterwards I had to go take a shower. I can't belive I did that!!!  
  
All: o.O  
  
Random Audience Member (RAM): Hey you! Stop making it sound like you fucked a fruit!  
  
Tonks: I never said that!  
  
Ginny: Well. Um. It kinda sounded like that.  
  
Ginny is fried by the Glare of Death. I use a spatula to put her back in the closet and I drag out Cho Chang instead. Everyone looks at Cho. Cho looks back.  
  
Cho: Where am I? Who are you? Ginny. what are you doing here?  
  
Ilia: We do not like you. We are your worst nightmare.  
  
Cho gulps.  
  
Cesa: Don't worry! You are in a story. You see, my author is borrowing you to write about. Lots of people do.  
  
Cho: Me? Wow. I'm flattered! Wait... if you are doing a story about me, why is everyone else here?  
  
Shi-Shi: You are here because my authoress thinks you are a bitch. Frankly, I agree!  
  
Ilia: Oh, my dear. Can I play with her? I have some good games...  
  
Me: No, sweet Ilia. You cannot.  
  
Ilia and RAM: Damn.  
  
Fred: Wait a sec... Ilia! I have an idea. We need a test subject...  
  
George: We need it for a new toffee. We were thinking about one that did the same thing, but made ears like tents.  
  
Cho: No way! That would be so gross.  
  
Everyone in the room turns an evil glare upon her...  
  
MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA.  
  
Review? Please? 


	3. Sugar

Me: Nah, not today. I'm not in the mood. How about we wipe all her makeup off?  
  
RAM (male): No! Please! No! She is beautiful the way she is.  
  
Ilia and I trade evil grins.  
  
Ilia: Well.. that could be...  
  
Me: Perfect. Sorry, Fred. Sorry, George. Another time?  
  
The twins nod. Fred steps forward.  
  
Fred: Could we go back in the closet and take a test subject from there? There is room in there, we wont come back out.  
  
George: Please? It would be much more fun. We could bring our guinea pig out when it is ready.  
  
Me: Alright. Wait! There are a few people you may not touch.  
  
Twins: Yeees...?  
  
Me: You may not use a Weasly. You may use a Malfoy. Oh, and please put up a curtain in front of Starwind and Moondance.  
  
Fred: Are they those weird guys with the white hair who like to snog each others brains out?  
  
Me: Exactly! Go ahead. Well.. don't use a carachter if you reconise him or her. Only use one if they are babbiling about the force. Oh, if they are talking about how they don't belive in the force? You leave Han alone!  
  
Fred: Fine, fine.  
  
George: Enif, Enif.  
  
RAM: I love you! Come back to me!  
  
Me speaking into a walkie-talkie: Give this one to Gollum.  
  
Gollum: You loveses us? Come back, precios with the blonde hairses.  
  
RAM: Nooooooooo!!!  
  
Cesa: That is just terribal!! How could you?  
  
Ilia: Easily and happily.  
  
Cesa: You.. You... You sadist!!!  
  
Ilia: Did you only just realise this?  
  
Cesa: You are a sadist?  
  
Ilia: Sometimes. I'm either a sadist or a machoist. Depends on my mood and the person.  
  
Cesa: o.O  
  
Shi-Shi: Yay! Happyhappyjoyjoy. Yum.  
  
Everyone: o.O  
  
Ilia: ... Shi-Shi? Are you ok?  
  
Shi-Shi: We just bought candy! Happy Happy!!  
  
Me: Um.. Heh heh.  
  
All: Give us some?  
  
Me: NO. MIIIIINE. 


End file.
